4 March 2012 – Sunday
Some fewer distractions, more silence, and some letting go have helped me relax into things the last few days. Lower key, less flailing about, less intensity. So, well, there you are.
I have done some reading that’s included some dragon riding, naked spirituality, Shakespeare, and scripture. I’m preaching next Sunday here, so I want to put my best foot forward. I wonder which one that is?
Self: small self and big self, false self and true self, non-self and more-than-self, dying to self in order to be fully alive (thanks to Michael for this line). My dragon-riding coach Robert Wicks writes about employing both clarity and kindness as one takes a long, truthful, honest look at one’s self. Scary business, that.
Navigating between honesty and kindness is never easy; and it’s especially difficult when one is glaring at one’s own life. (Or should I say, when one’s life is glaring at him!)
The distractions only work for a time. Then it is back into the darkness that bears a hope of light. I keep trying to solve the riddle. (Never thought my delight in crossword puzzles would become a framework for looking at life. Let me warn you: It is a very ineffective one).
So, I’m trying to return to praxis beyond “practicing:” It’s not about practicing till I get it right, but the ongoing practice of life, entering the silence without expectation. Even the expectation that I will have no expectations.
A few lines from Thomas Merton’s “Fire Watch, July 4, 1952” from the Sign of Jonas
God, my God, God Whom I meet in darkness, with You it is always the same thing! Always the same question that nobody knows how to answer! . . . . .
While I am asking questions which You do not answer, You ask me a question which is so simple that I cannot answer. I do not even understand the question.